this is my pride

2009-07-10 - 12:59 a.m.

Just like Jack's death, maybe I am not fully aware of how this solitude wears at me. It is possible that I have become too lazy to put my thoughts down, but honestly now they seem very forward. Tracee and I speak again, it has been six years since our relationship held any sort of consistency. She mentioned she was mad with me and so I explained myself; this time however, I agreed with her request that I let her know where I stand after I confessed I very well could stumble into what is familiar. I realized recently though I have managed to successfully sever those ties. I was speaking with Kenny last night and he claims that no one can ever completely accomplish this. I would have agreed with him a few years ago and I still do to a certain extent, for the methods I have endured with the flow of time have left me a different person. I must admit the sacrifice very well could not have been worth it. My realization tonight though, came from a random memory. I remember being able to tell whether Tracee was online or night, I'd even wake in the middle of the night knowing, and get out of bed to talk to her. Now, I can't detect her anymore...maybe I'm speaking too soon, I suppose we will both find out as time will do what it so reliably does.

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